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Field Notes of a Wildly Rooted Mettacine Woman

Welcome OWL | Operation Waking Life. Wipe your feet on the existential mat of my virtual abode, take a breath, and let your nervous system unclench a notch or two. You’re mostly safe here — but fair warning: I may drop the occasional F-bomb, talk about body parts you quite possibly haven’t seen in a decade or two, and sometimes invite the voices of spirit guides into the conversation.

There have been times when I have sleepwalked through, numbed out, over-managed life. Or outsourced my soul to someone else’s idea of “success” or “healing”. Or even rolled over in bed and realized that I have now distinctive memory of last week because all of the days were the same—one bleeding into the next, congealed with the bland texture of mundanity. Not good.

So, here we are. Informed by my work as a brain health specialist, and my natural propensity for alchemical endeavors, I created OWL to help me stay awake in my own body and lived experiences, and decided to share my process in hopes that you are inspired to stay away, and more intentional, in yours—your own body, your own choices, your own curiosity, and your own wild intelligence. These are field notes from that practice — real life, real nervous systems, real magick, real mess.

One important note before we go any further: I am not a mental health provider or a medical physician. Nothing here is meant to diagnose, treat, or replace professional medical or mental health care. Think of this space as intelligent conversation, lived wisdom, nervous system literacy, and spiritual curiosity — not clinical instruction.

This is a space for women who are curious about what it actually means to be alive in a body, awake in a world, and honest with themselves — without turning personal growth into a personality disorder. We’ll talk nervous systems and ritual. Coherence and creativity. Midlife power, hormonal despair, and messy humanity. We’ll awaken the kind of magic that lives in breath, movement, intuition, and paying attention.

Let me be very clear about one thing: I am not another fucking guru. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I’m not interested in being an “expert” in a world overflowing with experts who confidently tell you how to live your life while quietly managing their own spectacular dysfunction to fund the next nanny, luxury car, or tropical family vacation. Hard pass on that. I’d rather do downward facing dog… naked… in a maximum-security male prison facility in Arkansas (okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic — but you get the point).

I write from lived experience, a lifelong flirtation with curiosity, and years of listening to women, bodies, and the subtle intelligence quietly running the show beneath our coping strategies and collective nonsense. Expect science that doesn’t kill the mystery, spirituality that keeps its feet on the ground (or at least its toes), and stories that occasionally involve dirt, sky, pendulums, laughter, and inconvenient truths.